I look around everyday and behold guys looking either like slaves or idiots or both in clothes that make no sense. Actually though, I admit to being a fan of some of these clothes until some thoughtful girlfriends of mine talked some sense into me helping me escape my former state of clueless, impulse dressing to knowing what to wear to impress girls.
So here are a list of the cloth items many girls forbade me from wearing:
A lady's POV
1:Short-sleeved shirts
Unless it’s a cool ‘weekend’ style worn on a man with nice tattoos.
Unless it’s a cool ‘weekend’ style worn on a man with nice tattoos.
2. Heels
I don’t care if you’re short, wearing a shoe with a chunky heel is not going to solve any of life’s problems, least of all your height.
I don’t care if you’re short, wearing a shoe with a chunky heel is not going to solve any of life’s problems, least of all your height.
3. Work bags
Having a really sh*t work bag is a really big turn-off, we can’t even explain why, it just makes our face go all repulsed and we can’t help it.
Having a really sh*t work bag is a really big turn-off, we can’t even explain why, it just makes our face go all repulsed and we can’t help it.
4. Deep V-necks
‘Oh hello, let me just unbutton my trousers’ said no woman ever, having seen a man’s chest protruding unpleasantly from a deep V.
‘Oh hello, let me just unbutton my trousers’ said no woman ever, having seen a man’s chest protruding unpleasantly from a deep V.
5. Pink
Anything brighter than off-white is just too metrosexual for us. Put it away.
Anything brighter than off-white is just too metrosexual for us. Put it away.
6. Fleeces
If any of you are still doing this, ever, even if for work, please stop accordingly. You’re embarrassing yourself.
If any of you are still doing this, ever, even if for work, please stop accordingly. You’re embarrassing yourself.
7. Hiking boots
On a similar note, any sort of hiking or walking boot worn as daywear really upsets our eyes.
On a similar note, any sort of hiking or walking boot worn as daywear really upsets our eyes.
8. Stripy scarves
Is there some law that means men’s clothing stores can only sell striped designs that we seem to have missed? No? Then why are you so insistent with the stripes?
Is there some law that means men’s clothing stores can only sell striped designs that we seem to have missed? No? Then why are you so insistent with the stripes?
9. Skinny jeans on chunky legs
There’s a reason they’re called skinny. And boys? There’s nothing wrong with a straight leg if you just can’t pull them off. Go on, go get changed.
There’s a reason they’re called skinny. And boys? There’s nothing wrong with a straight leg if you just can’t pull them off. Go on, go get changed.
10. Beanies
Your standard beanie is fine, but wearing a super tight one like Jesse from
Breaking Bad will have us running away from you quicker than Usain Bolt. Sort of.
Your standard beanie is fine, but wearing a super tight one like Jesse from
Breaking Bad will have us running away from you quicker than Usain Bolt. Sort of.
11. Football shirts
When you’re not going to a football match and you’re just teaming it with jeans for funsies. Just stop. Stop. STOP.
When you’re not going to a football match and you’re just teaming it with jeans for funsies. Just stop. Stop. STOP.
12. Boot-cut jeans
Boot-cut jeans haven’t worked for anyone in the history of the land. If you haven’t caught onto that yet we’re seriously worried.
Boot-cut jeans haven’t worked for anyone in the history of the land. If you haven’t caught onto that yet we’re seriously worried.
13. Charity shops
Yes, it’s really cool when we thrift things from charity shops, but when you do it, well, it’s just a bit grimy.
Yes, it’s really cool when we thrift things from charity shops, but when you do it, well, it’s just a bit grimy.
14. Next jumpers
There’s just something so Dad about them. Please never wear them or attempt to drag us in there, not ever.
There’s just something so Dad about them. Please never wear them or attempt to drag us in there, not ever.
15. Frayed jeans
Please stop, just please.
Please stop, just please.
16. Wearing your work wardrobe ALL THE TIME
Wearing jeans with your office shirts and smart shoes during the weekend does not make you ‘dressed down’ it makes us dislike you. Soz.
Wearing jeans with your office shirts and smart shoes during the weekend does not make you ‘dressed down’ it makes us dislike you. Soz.
17. White socks
Especially when they’re pulled up your shins and you’re not wearing anything else. What even is that?
Especially when they’re pulled up your shins and you’re not wearing anything else. What even is that?
18. Jewellery
Cords with weird fangs and pendants on the end are probably the worst offender – especially when worn as a choker, as are chunky silver rings. Just stop.
Cords with weird fangs and pendants on the end are probably the worst offender – especially when worn as a choker, as are chunky silver rings. Just stop.
19. The Burton jumper
The V-neck block-colour jumper that was every boy’s first foray into adulthood. Put them away.
The V-neck block-colour jumper that was every boy’s first foray into adulthood. Put them away.
20. Checked shirts
There are about 20% of checked shirts in the world that are OK, the rest are not. Choose wisely.
There are about 20% of checked shirts in the world that are OK, the rest are not. Choose wisely.
21. Tight Armani Exchange tops
Just lock these away in the Noughties and never let them see the light of day again. Ever.
Just lock these away in the Noughties and never let them see the light of day again. Ever.
Hello, my name is Jack Sparrow. I'm a 50 year old self-employed Pirate from the Caribbean.
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